gak mau tidur.

i don't want to sleep.
every night all i do is torturing myself with pride and anger.
and guilt.
it's bothering me.

and now i decided not to sleep.
i don't want to.
i don't want to think clear.
as long as i'm not crying.
as long as i can do what i want.
as long as i don't cry.

i don't want to think.
i just want to be in the crowd.
blend
so i don't have to think about myself.

i don't care about the rest of that shit

i'm trying to move on

with anyone

ANYONE!

just like a star - corinne bailey rae

Just like a star across my sky,
just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands,
Honor to love you

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
you make me feel I'm alive,
when everything else is au fait,
without a doubt you're on my side,
heaven has been away too long,
can't find the words to write this song of your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

Now i have come to understand,
the way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
from tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
now I understand,
Yeah-yeah

Oooh......Ooohhhh..

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
for anyone but you
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands.

why do i have to fell for you?
why i have to love you?
it hurts..

kacau!!!!!!!!!!!!

duh,
malem ini aq kacau!


tiba2 ada perasaan nyesek didada
ngerasa ada yg salah
padahal aq tw gak ada yg salah
ini cm perasaan sesaat yg menyesatkan
dimana tiba2 aq kena sindrom you know what lah

huuuff

smua ini cm nyakitin diri sendiri

cukup de!
gak usa bertindak bodo dengan ngarep2in dia.
its over! there's no more you n him.

he's not part of your story anymore

ade pasti bisa ngebunuh rasa cinta itu.

pasti!

karena ade tau, smuanya uda ancur!

hoh! printer sialan!

disaat gw lg hectic2nya ngerjain tugas modul kampret,

pas gw mau ngeprint,

kok malah ERROR????????!!!!



kenapa harus hari ini??????

finally, i fall in love *again*

ngek..

akhirnya gw bs ngerasain seneng, kangen, diperhatiin ma org..
akhirnya gw bisa senyum2 klo gw inget tuh org.. *instead of crying and merana karena terlantar*
akhirnya gw punya alesan bwt pulang ke sby lg..

gw sayang ma lo..
you know exactly who i am and know exactly how to treat me..
tapi status gw, blm beres..
secepatnya gw bakal beresin status gw ya sayang...

karena gw tau siapa yg gw inginkan..

kamu, dio..

stand by me - oasis

Made a meal and threw it up on sunday,
I’ve, got a lot of things to learn,
Said I would and I believe in one day,
Before my heart starts to burn.

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go, away.

Times are hard when things have got no meaning,
I’ve found a key upon the floor,
Maybe you and I will not believe in,
The thing we find behind the door.

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows,
Yeah nobody knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

If your leaving will you take me with you,
I’m tired of talking on my phone,
There is one thing I can never give you,
My heart will never be your home,

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go, away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows, yeah nobody knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

The way it’s gonna be, yeah.
Maybe I can see, yeah,
But don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know
They only seem to come and go, away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows,
Yeah God only knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

allergies!!

hadooohh


malem2 gini nggebres2

beler laah..

alergi kumat..

:)

ada yang baruu aja dimulai

what's wrong with me?

i don't know why, but tonight i feel so miserable..

cry for hours.. and lock myself in my room..


it's him again
and this time there's no one with me..
i'm alone..
and i never know why i always end up crying alone,
and he doesn't even seem to care about this


i always felt that he doesn't care about me anymore
why?
i always felt that i was left behind, and he didn't even bother waiting for me to catch him up
why?
i always feel abandoned
why?

why i should love him for god sake

everytime i fall into pieces, he never there

everytime i cry, he never there

everytime i get into trouble, he never there

there's always someone who's there for me, but not him


i always know that it would end like this..
but why i always try to fix it?

am i blind?
am i stupid?

horoscope says...

Suggestions for the perfect date:

Go rollerblading, go hiking, feed the ducks, go to the museum, play miniature golf, take a walk in a botanical garden, go wine tasting or go to a wine bar, go to an art exhibit opening, spend a night in a Bed and Breakfast, go horse-back riding, go for a simple but elegant meal, take a walking tour of your city.

shoot! its true!! all of it! hahahahhaa

liburaaannn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oke..
now i realize that God still love me no matter what...



IP kinlcong

liburan oke -> BALI

masih bisa nyadong bwt ke jogja nih...



cuma satu yg gak kinclong..
duit habis..
:))

aneh aneh aja..

IN TROUBLE!!! financially.. again... hohohoo

JUMBUL!!


duidkuuu

kmana smua kamuu....

hilang tak berbekas dari tabungankuu...


JUMBUL....


niat mau bikin spatu kandas sudah deh.. ntar aja bulan depan deh...
bokek gw...

mau liburan lg...

nyadong bokap ajalah...

bwt ke jogja...

mana anak2 ngajakin ke bali..

nothing lasts forever - maroon5

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way 

stres = mati???

barusan aq tersadar...
aq harus mencari ttg acute myocard infarction ama angina demi memuaskan rasa ingin tahu...

Infark Miokard Akut (acute myocard infarction) adalah nekrosis miokard akibat gangguan aliran darah ke otot jantung.

Manisfestasi Klinis

Nyeri dada serupa dengan angina tetapi lebih intensif dan menetap(lebih dari 30 menit), tidak sepenuhnya menghilang dengan istirahat ataupun pemberian nitrogliserin sering disertai nausea, berkeringat, dan sangat menakutkan pasien. Pada pemeriksaan fisik didapatkan muka pucat, takikardi, dan bunyi jantung III (bila disertai gagal jantung kongestif). Distensi vena jugularis umumnya terdapat pada infark ventrikel kanan.(Guyton, 2006)

Angina adalah nyeri dada atau ketidaknyamanan yang terjadi ketika daerah otot jantung tidak mendapat cukup darah yang kaya oksigen. Angina dapat berupa tekanan atau remasan pada dada. Nyeri jg dapat terjadi di daerah pundak, lengan, leher, rahang, atau punggung.

angina sendiri merupakan gejala yang menunjukkan adanya masalah jantung, bukan penyakit. biasanya angina merupakan gejala dari coronary artery disease (CAD). CAD sendiri terjadi karena adanya penyumbatan arteri oleh plak (disebut jg atherosclerosis) sehingga suplai darah yang kaya oksigen berkurang dan menimbulkan angina.

ATHEROSCLEROSIS

aq jg baru tahu....

stres itu bisa mengacu ke sakit jantung...
karena klo stres kita pasti berdebar-debar, makan banyak (kata orang klo stres tuh obatnya ya makan), kurang olahraga (bawaannya beteeeee mulu, males kmana-kmana), dan bisa jg bikin kita lari ke rokok, alkohol ato malah drugs??

well, rokok ama alkohol itu salah satu risk factor dari myocard infarction

stres menyebabkan penyakit jantung sendiri masih dikit bgt bukti2 scientificnya...

tapi tetep aja... org depresi lebih cepet mati drpd org yg sehat mentalnya...
gak pingin cepet mati kan?
apalagi gara2 sakit jantung...

nih aq dapet tips klo lagi stress :

• Stay calm.. brenti ngapa2in! tarik napas dalam2.. jauhin stressornya!
• bilang pada dirimu sendiri "kamu pasti bisa ngelewatin smua ini!"
• Try to be objective, realistic and flexible.
• Try to keep the situation in perspective. Think about the possible solutions. Choose one that is the most acceptable and feasible (possible to do).
• Think about the outcome: Ask yourself, what is the worst possible thing that can happen? (Chances are that won't happen)
• Tell yourself that you can learn something from every situation..

masi blm lega?? kmu pasti punya temen kan? crita ke mereka, minta pendapat dari sudut pandang mreka, jangan cm 1 org yah... yang banyak.... biar kmu bisa buka pikiran kamu...

mau nangis, silakan...
menangis bukan berarti lemah! walopun kmu seorang lelaki!

bete? wajar kali...
kita butuh waktu buat ngehandle suatu masalah..
smakin berat masalahnya, smakin lama waktu yg dibutuhin...
tpi inget, kmu punya temen2 yg bisa ngehibur kamu klo kmu terbuka ma mereka...


semangat! pasti ada lembaran baru!
masi ada hari esok untuk disongsong!

usaha

hari ini kesabaran bwt mendem smuanya sndiri uda gak ada

aq sadar aq masi punya temen

akhirnya aq crita ke helen, rizal ma cika... kmaren uda ma griti... ndut gak bs2 trus sih ditelpon!


crita ke rizal itu by accident sih.. abisnya sumpek..
gak sangka idenya brilian jg...
hohohoo
gak nyangka aq zal, dibalik rambut kribomu yg bikin gak nahan jambak..
ternyata kmu cukup sensitip...

trus crita ke cika..

rizal ma cika ngasi solusi yg sama,
omongin baek2
apa mau kalian
apa solusinya
dan apa yg bakal kita ambil..
terus berjuang, ato brenti sampe sini aja
cika jg pesen klo apapun keputusannya nanti aq harus siap nerimanya..


klo helen mah sama kyk si griti,
klo dia uda nyakitin kmu, jgn dilanjutin..
they say i have to move on..
and that's absolutely right!


but i'll try the first one..
let we talk..
with cold head...
think
think about what we'll do next

just let me try
then i'll face it... whatever it is...


karena aq gak rela kehilangan semuanya.....

putus

tulisan ini aq tulis kemaren... sambil nangis... sedih.. terpuruk...

hari ini aq sakit hati

bner2 sakit

aq dianggap pengganggu sama org yg paling aq sayang

selama ini kita emg sering ribut

sampe akhirnya kita putus beberapa hari yg lalu

tapi hubungan kita masi baik, masi smsan, tlp
sampe kita ribut lg kmaren,
td siang

sampe akhirnya aq tw klo aq cuma dianggap pengganggu

sakit hati

sakiiiiiiiiiiiiit banget
sampe detik ini aq masi nangis

nyeseeeeeek banget

dia yg paling tak sayang

yg aq berjuang bwt bs ngertiin dia
bisa gak marah

kok bisa2nya dia nuduh aq yg nyebabin rankingnya turun di ujian

dli, klo aq bisa ngomong ke kamu
nilaiq juga jelek
gara2 aq gak konsen waktu ujian
karena waktu itu kita ribut

nilaiq jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh ada dibawah nilai tmn2q

tapi gak sekalipun aq nyalahin kmu dli

kmu gak perna sekalipun jadi bebanq

gak pernah aq ngeluh waktu kmu larang

sumpah aq nyesek bgt dli

nyesek

setaun ini aq nemenin kmu
nyayangin kmu
merhatiin kmu

kayaknya gak kmu anggep lagi



rasanya aq pgn bgt nurutin smua keinginanmu
jadi lebih cuek
jadi sabar
ngerti

tapi dli itu bkn aq
aq bs gitu cm sama temanq, yg gak seberapa aq sayang...

kmu yg perna ngangkat aq waktu jatuh
ternyata malah jatuhin aq ke lubang yg lebih dalam...


sekarang aq masi nangis.. masi nyesek... masi sakiiiit banget rasanya...
aq gak tau harus ngapain skrg...
gak tau kapan aq bisa berdiri lg..
aq tau ini bakal butuh waktu lama...
sangat lama...

ngantuk.. kebelet..

jumbul..
malem2 gini
aq sakit perut..

duuhh

mana ngantuk...
harus ngapain ya???

bobo?
WC?
bobo?
wc??


takut ketiduran niiihh....

jaune

jaune
jaune

jaune artinya kuning..
yellow or you can say Y-lo
hahahaa
jaune itu bahasa perancis..

gw lagi bertekad nih bwt les bahasa perancis liburan ini..

asik aja kayaknya kalo kita bisa ngomong bahasa perancis..

ajakin si mbah griti ah..

hihihhiiii




liburan...

hmmm...

maunya sih ke Bali.. diajakin si bapak...
bole juga..
ke pantai..
nongkrong ma gembul...
talk about life..
and you know what?
i'm planning to have a vanilla creme frappuccino and drink it by the beach
YEEHAA~!

ahahahahhaaaaa


pingin ke jogja juga..
backpacking ma scratch..
asik juga..
naek kreta..
menyusul hance menyusuri kota yang katanya "nyeni"
hihihhiii
siap2 bawa kamera nih....



well..
i hope i can enjoy this holiday...
even though i'm in the middle of final exam right now..

phew~...


well, hard work usually comes with best results...

so it's time to study!!!!!!